


Imaginary Places

by ramonaspeaks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drunkenness, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 06:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2570984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramonaspeaks/pseuds/ramonaspeaks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year after they’ve broken up, Phil allows Dan to sleep on his sofa for the night and tries to resist old feelings from resurfacing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imaginary Places

Sometimes people break your heart. That’s the whole problem with falling in love, isn’t it? You’re giving someone the power to rip your world to pieces.  
  
We’re all idiots though. We keep doing it, over and over again.  
  
That’s why Phil answered his door at nearly midnight when he looked through the peephole and saw that it was Dan standing outside. It didn’t matter that Dan was obviously drunk or that his arm was slung over the shoulder of another man. It didn’t matter that Dan had broken up with him a year ago or that it had taken months for Phil to be able to fall asleep without thinking about him.  
  
Of course he answered the door. Sometimes people break our hearts. And we let them.  
  
“Hi,” Phil said. He was looking at Dan even though it was obvious that he was in no position to respond. Dan’s eyes were shut and his head was resting on the shoulder of the man who had hauled him up several flights of stairs. “What’s wrong with him?”  
  
“Just a bit drunk. Are you Phil?” The man waited for a response so Phil nodded. “I’m Tyler. Can we come in?”  
  
Phil hesitated a moment before opening his door further and moving out of the way to allow them to enter. Tyler supported Dan’s limp body as he walked into the apartment and eased him onto the lounge sofa. He rolled Dan onto his side and pushed a cushion underneath his head.  
  
“So, uh, Tyler.” Phil ran a hand through his hair and looked uncertain. “What’s going on? Did he ask you to bring him here?”  
  
“No, but we’d walked by here earlier and he’d pointed out that this is where you lived now. I don’t know anyone in London and he needs a place to sleep tonight.” Tyler looked down at Dan, making sure he was settled, and then turned towards the door. “Nice meeting you. I’ll be on my way.”  
  
“Wait— what? He can’t stay here.” Phil felt his stomach flip at the thought.  
  
Tyler stopped walking and gave Phil a derisive glance. “From the way Dan talks about you, I didn’t figure you to be the type to turn out a friend. It’d break his heart to know the saintly Phil is just a selfish prick like the rest of us.”  
  
“It’s more complicated than that.”  
  
“You got someone else here?”  
  
“No.” Phil paused and looked down at Dan. He already knew that he was going to let him stay. He may not be the _saintly Phil_ as Tyler had mockingly called him but he wasn’t about to let anything happen to Dan while he was unconscious. All the same, he was pretty sure that he hated Tyler and didn’t want to give in to him without some kind of explanation. “Why are you— I mean, are you his— never mind, it’s none of my business.”  
  
“I’m just a friend,” Tyler responded and threw his hand up in exasperation. “Look, Phil, I have no time left. We came to London for the day and Dan got so wasted that they wouldn’t let him on the train back home. And they wouldn’t let _me_ on the train since I was with him. There’s one more leaving in twenty minutes and I need to be on it.”  
  
Phil stared at him for a moment and Tyler took the silence as an opportunity to mutter a quick goodbye and rush out the door. As soon as he left, Phil locked it behind him.  
  
“Nice friend you have.” Phil crouched by Dan and looked him over carefully. He was flushed but Phil couldn’t see anything wrong with him other than intoxication. “He’s never met me before but he just drops you off here and hopes for the best. _Fuck_.”  
  
Phil sat on the floor beside the sofa and put his head in his hands. Anything could have happened to Dan tonight. He had to keep reminding himself that it wasn’t his job to protect him anymore. Dan had made that decision.  
  
“It nearly killed me when you left. Did you know that?” Phil knew Dan couldn’t hear him and that gave him the courage to say the words he was never able to before. “The only way I got through the first week was by convincing myself that you’d come back.”  
  
A flicker of the old pain was still there when Phil stood up and stared down at Dan. His hair was longer than when Phil had last seen it and his complexion was paler, but he hadn’t changed much otherwise. He was still Dan. He was still beautiful. Phil took a deep breath to fight off the tightness in his chest. He would survive this one night and Dan would be gone in the morning.  
  
“I’m just glad I know you’re safe for tonight.” Phil ran a hand gently across his cheek. “That’s the worst part. Not knowing if you’re happy or if you’re depressed. Not knowing if you’re upset or lonely or need me.”  
  
Phil dropped his hand and took a step back. __  
  
_Just this one night_ , he reminded himself. _Then he’ll be gone again._  
  
——  
  
Phil was in bed for two hours staring at the ceiling and willing himself to fall asleep when he heard a crash come from his lounge.  
  
“Shit,” Phil muttered as stumbled out of bed and heard another loud thud.  
  
Although Dan must have found out from a mutual friend where Phil had moved, he had never been inside his new apartment. That meant that Dan had just woken up, still drunk, in a dark room that he’d never seen before. Phil rushed down the hallway and into the lounge where he could see Dan’s silhouette fumbling around the wall.  
  
Phil turned the light on as he walked into the room and Dan let out a startled cry.  
  
“Dan, it’s okay. It’s me. It’s Phil.” He wondered if his words would be reassuring or terrify him more. “Calm down.”  
  
“Phil?” Dan took a step towards him but then wobbled, half-falling over and clutching the side of the sofa for support. He sat back down on it and ran his palm over the surface. “I should’ve recognized the sofa.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“Why’d this happen?”  
  
Phil could barely understand Dan’s slurred words but he thought that he was trying to figure out why he was there from the way he emphatically motioned around the room. Dan put his head in his hands as if the movement had made him dizzy.  
  
“Your, um, your friend Tyler brought you here. They wouldn’t let you on the train.” Phil sat on the coffee table beside the sofa so that he was eye level with Dan. “Try to sleep. I can explain in the morning.”  
  
Dan looked up at him. “Phil?”  
  
“Yeah.” Phil wasn’t sure if he was asking him a question or just confirming that it really was him. “It’s Phil. Everything’s fine. Go back to sleep.”  
  
Phil put his hands on Dan’s shoulders, trying to get him to lie back down on the sofa. Dan misunderstood the gesture and put his arms around Phil as well, pulling him into a hug. “I missed you.”  
  
“Okay, Dan.” Phil closed his eyes and returned the hug. Dan was drunk. He was affectionate when he was drunk. He didn’t know that his words would gut him. “Are you tired?”  
  
Dan nodded into his shoulder. As Phil started to pull away, he felt Dan’s hand slip up to his jaw and his face turn so that their lips were almost touching.  
  
“ _No_.” Phil ripped away from him. “I’m going back to bed. Lie down and sleep, okay?”  
  
Phil didn’t wait to make sure he listened. He flicked the light off as he hurried out of the lounge and sank onto the floor of his bedroom, resting his head against the closed door. All living creatures learn to fight or flee the things that could destroy them, and Phil already knew there was no way to fight his feelings for Dan.  
  
——  
  
The shower was running when Phil finally woke up. He hadn’t managed to fall asleep until dawn, so it didn’t surprise him that Dan had gotten up first. What _did_ surprise him was that Dan hadn’t left yet. He’d expected to wake up to find he had quietly slipped away, maybe leaving a short note of thanks on the table.  
  
Phil stayed in bed for a while, listening to the sound of Dan moving around his apartment. After the shower shut off, he heard the faint whir of the kettle and the toaster popping up. When fifteen minutes had passed and he still hadn’t heard the front door open and shut, he got out of bed and changed into fresh clothes. There was no way he was greeting Dan in his pajamas.  
  
“Hi.” Dan was sitting on the sofa and sipping from a mug of coffee. He motioned towards the plate of half-eaten toast on the table in front of him. “I hope you don’t mind.”  
  
“Of course not.” Phil sat down in a chair on the opposite side of the lounge. “If you’re wondering why you—”  
  
“Tyler left me a text message. I told him to just leave me in the fucking street if this happens again. I’m sorry.”  
  
Phil shook his head. “Don’t say that. I’m glad he knew where I was.”  
  
“I hope he was at least nice.” Dan looked at Phil’s expression and nodded. “That’s what I figured.”  
  
“He wasn’t horrible.”  
  
“Was I?” He tried to make eye contact but Phil shifted his gaze away. “Please tell me. What did I do?”  
  
“You tried to kiss me.” Phil wasn’t sure why he told him. He hadn’t planned on it but it was a relief when the words bubbled out. He didn’t want to be the only one who remembered. “That’s all.”  
  
“Sorry.” Dan held the mug of coffee to his lips and let the word slip into the steam.  
  
Phil shrugged. “You were drunk.”  
  
“Yeah.” Dan set his cup down and began tapping his fingers on his knee. It was a nervous tick that Phil picked up on immediately. “I’m sure it wasn’t just that though.”  
  
 _Don’t you dare,_ Phil thought. _Don’t fucking say it._  
  
“Phil, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I have to say it. I’m still in love with you.”  
  
“Jesus, Dan.” Phil slammed his hand on the table in front of him and stood up. He began pacing in the small amount of space the lounge allowed. “Stop. Don’t say anything else.”  
  
“I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Dan looked shaken by Phil’s anger but continued anyway. “I’m sorry for everything.”  
  
“Why are you doing this? You _left_ me. I spent six months hoping you would come back and then another six months trying to get over you. Do you have _any_ idea what that’s like?”  
  
Phil could feel the tears collecting in his eyes and tried to blink them back. Dan shook his head.  
  
“Not exactly. I spent six months trying to get over you and then another six months realizing how impossible that was.”  
  
“I can’t do this.”  
  
“You don’t love me anymore.” It wasn’t a question. Dan’s voice shook as if he was trying to swallow a difficult truth. Phil wanted to laugh at how stupid he could be sometimes.  
  
“I just can’t risk having my heart broken _again_.” Phil surrendered to the tears on the last word. His chest ached and he could feel salt burning the inside of his nose.  
  
“Is that an option?” Dan walked over to him. Phil let out a short laugh. Even after everything, Dan couldn’t resist trying to comfort him when he cried. “It’s not for me. Mine is going to break again as soon as I walk out the door.”  
  
Phil accepted Dan’s arms around him because he knew that he was right. There was no resisting him and Phil didn’t want to try anymore. He clutched Dan’s back and let out another spasm of sobs into the curve of his neck. Phil couldn’t see his face but he could tell that Dan was crying now too.  
  
Phil’s fingers curled around Dan’s shirt and he _hated_ this. He hated that Dan was crying and that his skin still smelled exactly the same as he remembered. He hated Dan for leaving him and for coming back and for knowing exactly how to touch him to make everything feel better. Phil was so full of rage that his own words surprised him when he finally spoke. “I still love you too.”  
  
Dan’s arms squeezed him tighter as Phil said the words he’d obviously been hoping to hear.  
  
“I understand if you don’t trust me and maybe I can’t guarantee that everything will work out.” He pulled away from Phil and held him at arm’s length. Dan’s eyes were red and his face was swollen from crying and Phil couldn’t stop thinking that he was still beautiful, it was so wonderful to look at him. “If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll do everything I can to never hurt you again. I’ll try harder this time.”  
  
Phil nodded and moved Dan’s hands from his shoulders so that he could hold them. “ _We’ll_ try harder.”  
  
“We’ll try harder,” Dan agreed. He reached his arms around Phil to pull him close. “I never want to be without you again, Phil. I’ve missed you so much.”  
  
Sometimes people break your heart. And sometimes people are worth the risk.  
  
When Dan leaned in again, Phil didn’t hesitate to kiss him back this time. He knew there was no guarantee that the tears he tasted on his lips would be the last they would shed or that there wouldn’t be days when his heart would seize up in a panic over the thought of everything falling apart.  
  
It didn’t matter. Phil knew that Dan would always be worth the risk.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr.


End file.
